“Have you met that person who fills your heart with love and joy?” This is a line from one of my favorite movies: You’ve Got Mail starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. This line was delivered when Joe Fox (Tom Hank’s character) was talking to his dad in their yacht after both of them separated from their girlfriend/wife. That question just stunned me and made me ask myself: have I met someone who fits that description?

For quite a while now, my head’s been spinning for this guy. What’s funny is the movie I just mentioned earlier reminds me so much of how I and that guy met. Yes, through the internet. I really don’t want to give out the details; all I can say is, we exchanged long, funny, interesting and meaningful messages. We finally met after a little over 2 months, we hung out and.. well, all I can say is, sparks were flying all night. <3

But then, due to priorities and prior commitments, nothing happened after that. Messages exchanged got fewer and fewer until there was nothing at all; and that surely made me feel like shit. You know what’s worse, I’m blogging about him, well, my feelings for him actually, so that means it’s a huge deal. I really won’t waste time writing or talking about someone if I don’t give a shit about that person. So yeah.. I fell really hard for this one.

The process of moving on and accepting what happened is a long process. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t fall easily, but when I do, I fall all the way until my face hits the ground. And I sure jumped off the tallest cliff this time. It took me more than a year from when we met to finally give it up – and I really gave up then. But during that year of trying to move on, there were those days that I’d just burst into tears, or just realize a tear fell from my eyes, and the pain just rumbles in my heart, making it hard to breathe.

Typing these words to describe how it felt is an understatement; my friends are the witnesses on how I struggled for the past year. Fortunately, I was never angry or mad at him. Why? Because when he came into my life, despite of all the pain he brought along, he indeed filled my heart with joy and love. He proved me wrong when I said I’d never like anyone as much as I like him.

He is that person, who can bring me to tears just because I terribly miss him; and he’s also the same person who can put a smile on my face even with the simplest gestures. Ironic, right?

Just in case, at some point, he ever gets to read this, I just want him to know that I never regretted meeting him; most specially, loving him. For he’s the one who taught me and made me realize that I am capable of falling in love…. Over and over again.